By JD Allen
All right, Stony Brook. It’s no secret that the university needs some work — a lot of work. With buildings sprouting up everywhere, it’s easy to sometimes look past the dilapidated, 60s architecture that we have all come to know and love.
That is, at least for the most part.
Unfortunately UrbanDictionary.com does not do our out-dated campus justice in defining the university’s “gorgeous” facilities.
Coming at you with my top 10:
1. The Student Union (Union) – (noun)
a. Where clubs go to die. If a club has space in the Union, be sure its budget is plummeting fast.
b. A plumber’s nightmare. With cold water being the only thing flowing through the building’s pipes and flooding happening on the regular, it is a miracle that the building hasn’t collapsed from rot damage.
- “Are you sure the Union is sanitary?”
2. Wolfie’s Hut – (noun)
a. Bus stop
b. The only safe haven for commuter students at night…if it’s open, that is
- “It is dark out and I feel unsafe. Good thing Wolfie’s Hut is here. Aaaaaand (South Park reference) it is closed.”
3. Starbucks – (noun)
a. The homing beacon for all white girls on campus
- “Did you hear Starbucks has the Pumpkin Spice Latte again?”
b. (verb) To pay an unruly amount of money for liquid sugar
4. Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium – (noun)
a. Where Seawolves wait for hangovers to wear-off, accompanied by mediocre athletics. Not included: Michael Bamiro, Miguel Maysonet and the whole women’s lacrosse team. Those girls are tough and slightly terrifying.
5. Student Activities Center (SAC) – (noun)
a. The only acceptable place for commuters to gather on campus
- “I need a nap; going to the SAC.”
b. Where students go to eat when they will be hungry in 30 to 45 minutes
- “I thought the kiosks were going to speed up wait times in the SAC.”
c. Home to the Undergraduate Student Government, as well as two empty bathrooms
6. Social and Behavioral Sciences Building (SBS) – (noun)
a. Where chemistry dropouts attend class
b. The home of majors that make parents frown
- “I need to pay for my own education now that I am not pre-med. I wonder if the sociology department in SBS has any financial aid opportunities.”
7. Earth and Space Science Building (ESS) – (noun)
a. The mad scientist’s laboratory
b. Home to useless fire alarms
- “Does this bother anyone else? Anyone? The ESS building has many disabled fire alarms.”
c. A museum dedicated to the movie “Silence of the Lambs”
- “What’s with all the stuffed animals in the ESS building?”
8. Frank Melville Jr. Library – (noun)
a. Where journalism students, with cameras and tape recorders in hand, run free
9. Kelly Quad – (noun)
a. The ghetto of Stony Brook University, featuring cigarette-burned furniture, backed up plumbing and a colony of centipedes
- “Where exactly is Kelly Quad?”
10. The Administration Building – (noun)
a. Where graduate students pay their bills in change
- “I have three rolls of dimes to pay my fees with. Time to go to the Administration building.”
b. Home to the rudest employees on campus
- “What do you mean this window is closed? I just waited 30 minutes on this line. Screw the Administration building — I am paying my bills online.”
c. A dinosaur’s cemetery dwelling