Photo credit: GettingPretty / YouTube
By Abigail Wolfenberger
Listicles Editor
Me in the make-up section at a Spirit Halloween store:
“M’kay, so I’m gonna fill every pore on my face with this white paint crap. My pale pores may turn into a thousand red pimples in the morning, but you don’t crawl out of the underworld with a tan… maybe a few hell fire burns, but not a tan.”
“Then I’m gonna take this black tar lookin’ stuff and contour my fresh to death cheek bones and compliment the black bags under my eyes by colorin’ in the whole socket.”
“For a smoking hot finish, I’m going to glue some fake doll lashes and smudge on some blood red lipstick, cause let’s face it, just because I wanna look undead does not mean I wanna look unattractive.”
Me in my bathroom after spending $50 at a Spirit Halloween store:
“This feels like I’m pasting toads onto my face with Elmer’s glue… probably looks like it too, all lumpy and spotted.”
“Is that a pimple? But I haven’t even touched that spot yet! If this all fails, at least I could go as Mount freaking Vesuvius. ”
“Just keep your cool. You’re the hottest dead thing since Cleopatra. Eyes on the prize… the best costume prize.”
“Ugh, this red lipstick makes my teeth look piss yellow, and forget about coloring inside the lines.”
“Whatever, it’s artistic, and I’m gonna be crammin’ my mouth with chocolate anyway.”
“I’ll just stick on these lashes, and I’m outta here.”
*Five seconds later*
“OMG, there’s so much glue in my eye! Great. Now I look like Cleopatra with cataracts.”
*End Scene*
If there was any a time to envy beauty gurus– besides all of the time – it would be Halloween. If you’re like me, you’d be better off saving your money and just repeatedly punching yourself in the face to get the “spook look.” Well, don’t fall victim to talentless terror this year.
Check out these five easy DIY Halloween make-up tutorials:
1. The Rainbow Snapchat
2. Itchin’ For a Stitchin’
3. A “Walking Dead” Wannabe
4. “Her tears like diamonds on the floor”
5. Deadly Dolly