Photo by Nicole Lee / Flickr
By Abigail Wolfenberger
Seeing this girl get her groove on in the Rec Center is not a sight for sore eyes, but it will definitely make your eyes sore. It’s like watching a hefty bowl of red JELL-O ride a roadhouse mechanical bull. When I walk into a gym, I feel like Pumba stepping into Simba’s den of ravenous lions, who chew me out with spine-tingling stares and soul-crunching commentary. I don’t like it, and things I don’t like, I avoid. So, instead of getting into shape, I figured I would just hide it. I used to prance around campus with my warthog rump swaddled in a tarp-like coat, hoping it was hiding my vast vessel and lack of self-esteem. But then I discovered I didn’t need a membership and an expensive weight set to get a workout.
Here are some ways you can workout without going to the gym:
1) Laundry Detergent Dumbbells
You don’t need steel to get that burn you want to feel! Large bottles of laundry detergent are pretty damn heavy. They’re always ripping through grocery bags and bruising toes. Therefore, they make perfect weights. Why go dishing out hundreds of dollars for a cumbersome weight set when you can get a bottle of Tide for ten bucks that fits right in your closet. What’s even better is that these containers typically come with built-in handles perfect for pouring… or lifting! So start bicep curling while you wait for those colors to wash.
2) Dorm Room Dancing
Plug in those headphones and shake it ‘til you make it. Sharing a room with someone means sharing your time with them, as well. Dorming makes it incredibly difficult to get that “me time,” but it’s not impossible. Nights when my roommate is at work and I don’t feel like leaving my room, I open up my Grooveshark playlist and shake my tail feathers until it feels like they’ve all fallen off. Nobody’s watching me, and nobody’s critiquing me. If I want to pelvic thrust until I break out in a sweat, then by golly, I’m going to thrust away. It may seem absurd to some, but I find it to be extremely liberating. If you’re not comfortable bustin’ your own move, then YouTube has the widest selection of dance workouts imaginable.
3) Stair Master 1.0
Climb those stairs! I know what you’re thinking: “I’ve heard this spiel before. Every exercise guru and article out there tells me to take the stairs not the elevator.” But that’s not what I’m telling you. Gyms have this outrageously expensive machine that tries to replicate the same effect the actual staircase in your residence hall gives you. Strap on your neon sneaks and climb that sucker up and down for fifteen minutes. You will sweat, you will burn and you will have gorgeous legs. I promise you.
4) Don’t Refrigerate After Opening
Refrigerators just give you an excuse to store tons of food in your dorm before you store it in your gut. What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you’re alone watching Netflix? You’re going to reach into that devil’s trap and pull out something to snack on. Don’t keep food in your room! Not turning your closet into a pantry forces you to get your lazy butt out of bed and walk to one of the dining halls. SBU is a huge campus. I live in Tabler, so walking to one of the cafeterias basically burns off my dinner before I even get to eat it.